Narrowly escaping tetanus, humiliation and the chance to get wedding photos with the tractor

I have been attending a conference these past few days. A farm conference at a farm college. Along with my brain overflowing with knowledge and my notebook filling up with scribbles (of important, knowledgeable things, not doodles of the abominable snowman) I also had a harrowing, terrifying experience.

My second session of the day was at the ‘Livestock Pavilion,’ essentially a glorified barn. A warm, dry, and clean barn decked out with a powerpoint display. As I had previously consumed about 8 cups of coffee, I needed a bathroom in a serious way. So when I located the women’s washroom in the ‘Livestock Pavilion,’ I was mighty relieved.

I let myself into the only stall and found the door didn’t close properly. Being the industrious woman that I am, I simply put a little shoulder into it and man-handled it into place. Everything was fine and dandy until I had to get out of the stall.

You see, the door opened into the stall and I had used my body weight to shove it closed. Unfortunately, it’s a lot easier (for me at least) to shove something closed than pull it open. It didn’t help that the top and bottom of the door were exposed steel that dug into your hand and certainly transmitted tetanus if you pulled with any force.

So here I am, stuck in a bathroom stall in a barn, at a farm conference. I quickly swallowed by panic and thought out my options:

Option A: Wait for someone to find and rescue me. — the problem with this option is that I was in an out-of-the-way bathroom at a farm conference. And, I was in a women’s washroom. Although there are an increasing number of women in ag, the conference was still dominated by men.

Option B: Call for help. I could yell and bang on the door. I wasn’t too far from where the session was being held, someone would here me. — I considered this option for all of 2 seconds before I quickly discarded it because Oh! the humiliation. Now, if I lived in a fantasy world, this would be the perfect set-up for a nice farm boy to come save damsel-in-distress-me, we would fall in love and live happily ever after. Considering the boyfriend would probably not appreciate that scenario, I didn’t dwell on it either.

Option C: Put some muscle into it.

As you’ve probably deduced, Option C was the only option. I threw caution to the wind, silently thanked an old professor for making me get a tetanus shot a few years back (another story altogether), carefully placed my things on a clean spot on floor and got ready for a heave ho.

It took getting a little sweatier than I would have liked and my hands didn’t love the bare steel, but I emerged triumphant. I even managed to pull myself together and get back to the session. I convinced myself that the sweat gave me a dewy, fresh look and my hands would be satiated with a heavy dose of lotion.

So, the moral of the story is: if you ever find yourself trapped in a washroom at a farm conference and don’t have a loving boyfriend to go home to, call for help. Some nice farmer will come save you, sweep you off your feet and you’ll always have wedding photos with the John Deere tractor and the prized cow to cherish.

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3 Responses to “Narrowly escaping tetanus, humiliation and the chance to get wedding photos with the tractor”


  1. 1 Erin January 8, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    You’re hilarious!
    I think the boyfriend would understand that if a handsome farmer saved you from certain peril in a barn bathroom, you pretty much have to marry him.

  2. 2 ria January 8, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    LOL! i would have picked option C too

  3. 3 Jessica January 8, 2010 at 12:37 am

    Hahahahaha, ohhh man. I hope you make it home safe and sound!


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I'm Claire. I like to write about ridiculous things.

I love chocolate but don't think cheese and cake belong together.

I often wish it was socially acceptable to wear glitter before 10pm.

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