Someone please explain this

I realize that I am WAAAAY behind the times here. In fact, it sort of feels like I just discovered this new fandangled company called Apple or that I just found out about this amazing website on the internets called Facebook.

But, I’m going to write this post anyway. Partially because it gives me something to write about and mostly because I’m perplexed.

I watched Twilight (the first movie) on the flight from Toronto to Vancouver. I picked it because I knew it was never anything I would go out to rent or make an effort to see any other way, but I was still sort of intrigued.

I mean, this movie (and the book it’s based on) has launched a global craze that has prompted mothers of tweens to ask the stars (or just one in particular) if he’ll wait while she removes her panties so he can sign them, all the while her impressionable, young daughter looks on.

Who wouldn’t be intrigued by something that could cause grown women to lose all sense of decency and pride?

So, I watched it and here is what I thought (I don’t want to call it a review, that seems too formal and puts too much pressure on me):

On the face of it, it’s a bad movie (Dear Twi-Hards, please don’t hunt me down). It’s not a really great story. It’s a really predictable story: girl moves to new town, meets boy, boy’s mean to her, she falls in love, he’s a monster but wants so bad not to be and then there’s a big fight, the end.

It’s also got way too many emotion-evoking music montages of boring shots of Bella and Edward doing nothing. Come on, film-makers, if the last 5 min montage doesn’t advance the plot, consider cutting it down to a 2 min montage.

But, despite all this, I was kind of dragged in by in. I can’t figure out what it was, but I was drawn in and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the bad montages and that emotion-evoking music, it evoked emotion.

I’m not that surprised by these findings. It’s common knowledge (well, not that common, but sort-of-kind-of common) that I am a sucker for vampires (BAH! Punny!). I was drawn in around Grade 7 with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and  my friend Erin re-ignited by love of the creatures of the night through True Blood and the Sookie Stackhouse novels. So, I’m not all that removed from the Twi-hards.

But, there is one thing that I just cannot get over. I can get past the bland plot, the over-the-top music selections and the PG teenage love story. But I cannot wrap my head around this one:

If you were trying to prove to someone that you are a dangerous and vicious creature that should be feared and avoided, would you really bring them to the top of a mountain, step into a pool of light and reveal to them that you are SPARKLY!

WTF! How does Sparkle = Dangerous Monster!

Someone please explain this to me.

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4 Responses to “Someone please explain this”


  1. 1 Rambleicious December 6, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    I bought all the books and even went to see the movie with my hairdresser (my husband said he’d rather stick sharp things in his eyes).

    I enjoyed the movie, laughed in all the wring spots (especially the sparkling scene) but felt thoroughly entertained.

    The thing that I don’t get is; who would waste their immortality attending high school over and over again?

  2. 3 Erin December 2, 2009 at 2:17 am

    HAHAHA! The Twi-hards are going to HUNT YOU DOWN.
    I’ll admit it, I enjoyed the books. I’ll even admit that I dragged a friend to see the first movie in theatres shortly after it came out (funnily enough, that same friend has refused to see the second movie with me). I’ll also admit that I own the first movie, and that I bought it within days of its release, fully knowing that it’s actually pretty bad.
    The sparkling bit, though, makes me embarrassed. Seriously what IS that?
    The books get even more absurd, like I would almost reccommend you borrow them from me in order to experience what happens in the final book. Like, I don’t even know how they will film it. In fact, just go read this: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/41529046.html#cutid1
    Yeah.

    • 4 clairesuzanne December 4, 2009 at 3:20 pm

      What you just made me read makes me scared for the author of those books. I mean, that’s all sorts of messed up.

      I’m really glad you are personally embarrassed about the sparkle problem. Everyone should feel embarrassed about that. It’s going to take all of us to carry that burden.


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Hi There!


I'm Claire. I like to write about ridiculous things.

I love chocolate but don't think cheese and cake belong together.

I often wish it was socially acceptable to wear glitter before 10pm.

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